Have you ever stopped to consider how your approach to life impacts the health and well-being of your relationships?  In truth, your approach determines whether your relationship thrives, stagnates, or slowly drifts apart.

The way you navigate challenges, embrace growth, and connect with your partner has the power to shape not only your relationship, but also every other aspect of your life. (Because how you do one thing is how you do all things!) There are three main approaches that people embody, and the good news is that you can CHOOSE which one you take. 

Understanding these approaches isn’t just about gaining insight—it’s about uncovering the key to deeper connection, lasting joy, and a shared vision that excites and energizes you. The truth is, your relationship doesn’t exist of its own accord– It’s a reflection of you… your mindset, your actions, and your willingness to grow.

Let’s explore the three distinct approaches we’ve observed in relationships and life. As you read, reflect on where you see yourself and your relationship right now—and where you want to be. The gap between these points holds the potential for the transformation you’ve been craving.

Approach 1: Life Happens to Me

The first approach is marked by a sense of life happening to you. Individuals in this mindset often feel powerless, overwhelmed, or stuck. They view circumstances, other people, or external events as the main drivers of their experiences.

This approach can manifest as:

• Complaining about life’s challenges without taking actionable steps to address them.
• Wishing for change but expecting others to make it happen—whether it’s a partner, boss, or external force.
• Experiencing a "victim mentality," where life feels out of control.

In relationships, this dynamic often leads to a slow drift apart. You likely see your partner as the primary problem and your efforts to make things better focus on getting them to change. Unfortunately, this typically leads to them pointing their finger back at you– becoming a blame-game and creating a downward spiral of frustration and disconnection that can feel defeating.

If this sounds familiar, know that there’s no shame here. Acknowledging that this is your approach is a powerful first step. Full disclosure… we’ve been there too! And because of that, we know it’s possible to shift out of this approach and into something more empowering.

Approach 2: Life Happens When I Work on It

The second approach is one of intentional effort—but only when problems arise. People in this space recognize the value of growth and are willing to put in the work to improve their lives and relationships… when they need to.

Key characteristics of this approach include:

• Seeking solutions and making improvements when there’s dissonance or discomfort.
• Coasting when things feel "good enough," only stepping into action when a problem demands attention.
• Experiencing a roller coaster dynamic: highs of progress followed by lows of complacency.

In relationships, this approach can lead to a gradual upward trajectory, but progress is slow and inconsistent. More often, it can feel like being stuck on a carousel– going around and around on the same kinds of issues, growing in frustration and confusion as to why things aren’t STAYING better!

With this approach, the focus on problem-solving rather than consistent growth limits the potential for truly transformative results.

We’ve been here, too. This was our reality before we committed to being more intentional and fully embracing the growth that our business, PowerfuLove, was calling us into. While this approach can feel comfortable at times, let me assure you… it’s not where dreams thrive.

Approach 3: Life Happens Through Me

The third approach is where transformation truly happens. With this approach, individuals take full responsibility for their lives and relationships, embracing growth as a continuous journey rather than a response to problems.

This mindset is characterized by:

• A commitment to personal and relational growth, regardless of external circumstances (including whether their partner is “doing the work” at the same time or in the same way!)
• Viewing challenges as opportunities for learning and becoming the best version of oneself.
• Taking full ownership of their role in creating the outcomes they are experiencing AND those that they desire to experience.

People who follow this approach understand that growth requires courage. They lean into fear and resistance, pushing through discomfort to reach new heights. They may not always know the exact steps, but they are committed to figuring it out and continuing the journey no matter how challenging it may feel at times. 

And thankfully, when you take THIS approach to your relationships… the “challenges,” the “work,” the “effort” that you may be dreading in the face of the idea of “constant growth”... are hardly even a thing. 

The challenges get fewer and farther between. The work gets easier. The efforting gets less. Because YOU… get stronger and better… bringing your partner, your relationship, and everything else in your life along with you.

THIS is the approach that Calvin and I have made it to, and it has truly upleveled EVERYTHING. It is the approach we now encourage everyone to strive for, and that we teach and support our clients to achieve. 

When you embody this approach, you’re not just fixing problems but deliberately designing a life and relationship that excites and inspires you.

What Results Are Possible When You Choose Approach 3?

Imagine waking up every day feeling deeply connected to your partner, energized by your shared dreams, and confident in the tools you’ve built together. Picture navigating challenges with grace and resilience, knowing that every hurdle brings you closer as a team. These are just SOME of the experiences that await. 

By choosing this approach, you can:

• Strengthen communication and intimacy in ways that feel effortless and natural.
• Break free from recurring patterns and create a relationship filled with joy, play, and passion.
• Build a shared vision that fuels not only your relationship but your individual goals and dreams.
• Experience a love that feels like a source of energy and inspiration, rather than something you have to work at.

Which Approach Do You Choose?

Take a moment to reflect: Where do you see yourself in these three approaches? Are you waiting for life to happen, coasting along with bursts of effort, or fully stepping into your power to create a life you love?

If you’re ready to level up, know that it’s not about perfection but progress. The journey to Approach 3 is ongoing and requires intention, courage, and a willingness to grow. 

It’s worth every step.

And, it’s exactly what we help dedicated badasses like you to embody and apply so that they, too, can consciously and powerfully create the relationship (and life) that they've always dreamed of.

We’d love to hear your thoughts. Which approach resonates most with your current experience? What’s your next step in creating the life and relationship you desire? Let’s keep the conversation going!

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If you’re ready to embody your power to create a love and life that delight you, then apply to work with us! 

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