There was a time when I believed that explaining my perspective was the key to resolving conflicts with my partner, Jeni. Whenever she shared her feelings, I would often respond with an explanation of my side of the story.

I thought I was fostering understanding, but in reality, I was unknowingly building a wall between us.

This pattern of behavior led to countless repeated conflicts. Each time Jeni expressed her emotions, I felt compelled to explain how I experienced the situation differently. I wanted her to see things from my perspective, thinking it would help bridge the gap. 

Instead, it made her feel like her feelings didn’t matter, like I wasn’t truly listening or understanding her experience, and ultimately, like I didn’t care.

The realization hit me one day after a particularly heated argument. Jeni, with tears in her eyes, told me how my constant need to explain made her feel invalidated. She felt as though her emotions were being dismissed and that her perspective was being overshadowed by my defensiveness. 

This was a turning point for me.

I started to reflect on my behavior and how it was affecting our relationship. With her help, I realized that my explanations were a form of defensiveness, a way to protect myself rather than connect with her. I was so focused on being understood that I was failing to help her feel understood. My well-intentioned efforts were causing more harm than good.

Determined to change, I continued on a journey of self-awareness and growth. I learned that the key to better communication wasn’t in defending my perspective, but in truly listening to her and to try to understand her feelings. Instead of explaining, I started to validate her emotions and show empathy. This shift required conscious effort and practice, but the results were profound.

As I began to interrupt my old patterns, our relationship started to transform. Communication became easier and more connecting. We were able to discuss even the hard things in a productive way. Our conflicts reduced, and our bond strengthened. We leveled up how we could be better for each other, creating a deeper and more meaningful connection.

Reflecting on this journey, I ask you to consider: What if communicating, even about the tough topics, were easy, connecting, and productive? How would that change things for you and your partner? 

Imagine a relationship where both partners feel heard, validated, and understood. It’s possible when we move beyond defensiveness and embrace true empathy and understanding. By listening and validating each other's feelings, we can create a stronger, more resilient bond.

So if you are finding yourself in a cycle of misunderstandings and defensiveness….

If you want to create deeper and more meaningful communication…without conflict and feeling dismissed 

You don’t have to walk this journey alone.  We would love to be your sherpas so you can get there faster and more successfully!

At PowerfuLove, we specialize in helping couples break free from unhelpful patters and create stronger and more fulfilling relationships. Our Next Level Love Program is designed to equip you with the tools and support to turn conflicts into opportunities for growth and connection. 

Take the first step toward leveling up your relationship by reaching out to us to learn more!